No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
