Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
