youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
