when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a hot homeless man
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
