how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
