My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
