jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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