you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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