is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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