Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
