I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
