brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
