i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
