Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
