He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
PANTIES FOUND
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