false alarm. still invincible.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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