And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
