U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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