so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
