i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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