It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
