So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
