We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
