So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
