Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
