I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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