see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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