i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You need Xanax blowdarts
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
