the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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