saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
