She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
