Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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