broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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