I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
