pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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