hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As shirtless as possible
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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