in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
