so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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