When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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