i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
