think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
