i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
