do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
