She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
