My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
