I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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