My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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