Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
