you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
