His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
