You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
