just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You've changed since you got that strap on
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
