The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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