She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
